Whoever said that high school graduation was one of the most poignant and epic moments of their life either received their diploma very stoned, or is full of shit and not to be trusted.
I found mine to be especially painful, between the contrived speeches about our “future” and “happiness,” and the white polyester robe I was forced to wear. (What was that supposed to represent anyway, purity? Our virginal descent into the “real” world? We might as well have all worn black) We had mentally checked out of school the moment we had decided upon a university, division of the military, or resolution to live the dream. (Taking a few years off to peddle drugs to sixteen year olds, and live in our parents basement.)
The lucky ones who had gone shit faced to prom, or taken a misguided stance against authority and refused to return library books were spared the short walk across the stage. Amidst the bright lights and steadily rising temperature from both the polyester robe and body heat of 280 post-pubescent students, it was hard to think let alone grasp the severity of the situation.
I don’t remember much of the ceremony, just that it was very long and tedious, and I was sitting amongst some people I had never seen before in my entire life. I recall the valedictorian having an amazing speech pertaining to something along the lines of what horrible people we all were. Most of us were more too preoccupied with whether or not we had bought enough alcohol for the coming night to pay attention to anything of importance. There was the ceremonial senior sleep-over in the parking lot to look forward to, where we would protect our status parking spots from the Juniors and their slut-mobiles.
I remember graduation night being fun, and that we stuck it out through the pouring rain and multiple threats from administrative faculty. In the morning the police arrived with bullhorns to escort underclassmen into the high school. We were told that since we had already graduated, we were illegally on school grounds and were subject to arrest.
Mere hours ago we were scholars that had the potential to do and become anything- nay the mortar that held the cornerstones of American education together. Now we were the very scum of suburbia.
I was just relieved to get out of the rain, and passed out in a friends car on the way to a get smiley faced pancakes. It was a relief to be done with the monotony of Senior year, the tedium that not even binge drinking and false hope could dare to conceal.
...
Today I had the honor of watching my little brother grace the Sharon high auditorium stage that I had walked across not but three years ago. Of course I was less than ecstatic to go back there, as I tend to be very bitter about the way our student body was treated. (Yes we were insipid and thoughtless JAPS, but you lie in the bed you make/ some useless aphorism that points out how hypocritical the faculty was)
Firstly I was enraged that the Lake Massapoag staff was still watching the water and tending the gates during a strong tornado warning. We had to park in the lake lot due to the massive amount of cars, and I wasted no time in finding the guards in charge to call the rec department and get the fuck home. Its only been two years since I was in charge, but since the dawn of time the Sharon rec department has found new and terrible ways to mismanage anything and everything they touch.
It wasn’t strange going into the high school, considering it looked exactly the fucking same. While proceeding into the auditorium, I thought I was being greeted by the sports director, as we had spent a lot of time together for event planning and fundraising efforts. Instead he was accosting me for a graduation ticket, with absolutely no recollection in his eyes. I stopped greeting him mid-sentence and simply walked in.
I can sum up the proceeding two hours of my life that I will never get back in two words: never again.
/until next year when I do the unthinkable and graduate Drexel.
/four years later when Ben peaces out of Columbia.
Congratulations Ben, you’re not as dumb as you look.
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